Anonymous Confession

This honestly makes me feel kinda dumb because most of it is my fault and yet I still always feel sad about it at random times and I just want to talk about it to someone. Earlier this year, I was actually quite excited about my birthday as it would be my first one after meeting my best and closest friends. Now that being said, it was probably one of my worst birthdays yet. They had all forgotten. Just a few days prior I had told one of them of when my birthday was too and he had no clue. I had spoken to another one of my close friends on the day of birthday as he was getting ready to go to a party of some sort for school with some of my other close friends. I think what hit me was that during the call he had mentioned that it was someone else's birthday (I know her however I'm not exactly friends with her like he was). He wasn't that close to her. I could've easily told him "yeah it's my birthday too" and literally everything would have been fine but instead I kept my mouth shut and just said "oh cool" or something like that. Next, probably one of my closest friends. She usually writes everyone's birthdays down and I could have sworn that she wrote mine down last year when she had asked me but I could very well be mistaken. She didn't know either. It's dumb but I lowkey waited all day for her to message me a happy birthday because out of everyone, I was almost certain that she would have remembered. I waited even past the time I knew her phone would have shut off due to her strict parents but I decided that hey maybe she just had her phone taken from her. No. A few weeks later I went to the first friend I mentioned's house for his birthday along with the rest of my close friends. It was then that I had found out for sure that she had no clue. I could have told the truth. I had multiple opportunities especially as for the friend whose house we were at, when I gave him his gift, he wanted to know my birthday. I lied and said I didn't tell him when it was so he wouldn't buy me anything. I just don't want any of my friends to feel bad that they missed my birthday but at the same time I spent the whole day crying and turned to some unhealthy coping habits that no one knows. Every so often, I wonder if they'll remember next year. They might. But what if they don't? I dont exactly enjoy spending my birthday crying in my room and acting like nothing happened when my family sees me. I don't expect anyone to have read this morning for any of to have made much sense. I really just wanted to get this out of my system. If you did read it, I apologize if it doesn't make much sense as I really just rambled the whole time and never proof read it