my transmasculine boyfriend is autistic, has DID, is depressed, and has several other conditions/disorders that make it extremely hard to function normally. his point of view on the topic of arguments is to prove that he is in the right, and to explain his point of view to the person he’s arguing with until they’re on the same page as him. i experienced this today, and i can’t get it through to his head that when im upset, i don’t need to know every detail about why i shouldn’t really be upset. i just want comforting and a sincere apology. any apology he gives me sounds like, “i’m sorry that my actions made you feel that way, BUT..” followed by an explanation of why he is justified in his actions. what do i do??
He's an asshole. Being a man or neurodivergent (I am both) doesn't give you license to be an insensitive prick.
If he's on stimulants, I suggest exploring if he can lower the dose or take off of them. See about escitalopram/Lexapro (SSRI), or, especially if he has compulsive thoughts and behaviors, risperidone (anti-psychotic). Anti-psychotics get a bad rap, but they can be incredibly helpful provided you manage them very carefully and don't overdo it.
I also suggest having a talk with your or his or a couples' therapist about the issue.
If he's not getting better or consistently refuses to try to, reconsider your relationship with him. Your emotional needs matter. Putting up with this isn't helping either of you.
not being able to give serious apologies is toxic, you should speak up about that
stand your ground based on facts and be sure he is diagnosed and getting treatment there are some illnesses that just can not go untreated relationships with mentally ill people (me and others ik) take one of you being extremely stable and well adjusted to work
just cuz he's neurodivergent or a part of a minority doesnt mean he can be a bum to u