I started working with this guy two summers ago and caught feelings fast (I want to preface: he has autism, and I think that some of his actions can be explained by his neurodivergence and symptoms). I never asked him out because I was terrified, going to university out of town in the fall, and couldn’t tell whether he liked me back. The next summer, I came back to work at the same place. My feelings developed again. The day before I was going to ask him out, I found out he had a girlfriend. From what I had heard, she’s cheated previously, she is an overall mean person, and extremely controlling.
The rest of that summer, it felt like he was into me. He’d go out of his way to do things for me, touch me in a more-than-friendly way, and the vibe I got was way more than friends.
Eventually, I told him I needed space from him at work and our friendship, as I had feelings, and his actions were making it worse. He responded with “I liked you the entire time” and “I would date you if I weren’t dating [his girlfriend]”.
I vowed to step away from him despite him saying we should still stay friends. It felt like I was a backup, but it still hurt seeing him with her.
I didn’t talk to him for 8 months and now I am back at the same job with him, for the third summer. His girlfriend is now working there, too.
He is continuing the way he acted last year and, essentially, making it sound like he hates being with her while also subtly mentioning the past between us. It’s not as hard as things were last summer, but it’s still debilitating. And— despite his girlfriend being a bad person, I feel bad for her. Nobody should be in a relationship where your partner hates you.
It’s quite toxic all around, but somehow I still have feelings for him. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and think it might be a lack of social abilities on his part, but I’m not sure. Either way, I’ve told myself that if I ever get the chance with him, there are many conversations to be had between him and I and this situation before I ever consider dating him.
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