Anonymous Confession

I'm really struggling through my life right now. I feel this deep, burning desire to change who I am. Like every moment is spent thinking about how much I wish I was someone else, but I don't even know what that someone else is or what they are. I feel like I am so lost on who I am as a person and that I'm not acting towards what I want myself and it's really causing me to struggle and become depressed. I want to be someone else so badly but I don't know what I want either. I just wish I was different. Every time I think about being different and who I am I get incredibly emotional and start to tear up as if someone had just told me my dog died. It kills me being who I am and I don't know what to do and I need help. I know I need help but I don't know how to get it. I don't know what to do with my life and I feel like everything I'm doing and have been doing has been for other people and what I expect they expect from me. I feel like I have to be this social funny outwardly guy to all of my friends when really I'm pretty introverted and I don't enjoy getting out that often and become emotionally and mentally drained very fast. I feel like I need to be funny and make everyone happy and feel happy all the time and yet I am never ever doing it for myself or taking time to myself or anything like that and it's causing me to forget what and who I really am. I feel like I'm drowning in a 6 feet deep pool and while the ladder to get out is right beside me I'm cutting my arms off because at some point in my life someone said they liked when I did it before. I don't know. I don't know what to do