Anonymous Confession

I have been talking with this guy for a few weeks now, and I find it really fun. We talked, and talked, either chat or call, and we became comfortable with each other. But the problem is, I have a dilemma within me. It is like I am sabotaging what we have now. As this is my first time, I have this reaction of mine - that because it feels too good to be true, I don't want it; I shouldn't want it. I want to know him more, but at the same time, I don't want him to think that I am interested in him. I have so much pride that I cannot even admit that I am interested in him; why is that? I hate myself for feeling like this; actually, I hate myself for being the way I am. I have been hating myself for a lot of years because of my reactions, my feelings, and me being me. I have been thinking whether I should open myself to him more so that he can also do the same, or let go of what we have now because I feel like I will only make things worse in the future. I have a lot in my mind lately that I have deactivated my social media accounts where he can contact me. I need to thoroughly think about things, but my thoughts are just all over the place that I do not even know where to start.