Anonymous Confession

i have this feeling where it takes over me. its when im suffering and i know that its very deep and serious and then id think of what if i grow up and remember that i suffered like this when i was young, i suffered this hard when i was at a young age, i fear that feeling where im all grown up and then id think of smth like judging myself for suffering for things id find small that i find so big right now. i fear the thought of "why would i even suffer for something so small like that" would come inside my mind. i dont wanna grow thinking crying and crumbling over small things that broke me isnt valid and isnt enough for me to suffer that. i dont wanna be the person ot judge myself for struggling as a child. or even if its like just as a thought, a sudden thought, i dont wanna think of the 15 yr old me as someone different bc imagine im all grown up like what 22 or smth like that and all i can think of her is a weak person and smth like that, neither ido i want to pity myself for having to struggle like that but id want to see me as a strong teenager, i would want to perceive me as someone who didnt only overcome "some struggles" i want to see all the efforts and struggles i had to overcome and how i didnt lose my faith when i was struggling so hard. so yeah i fear that one day id have that negative thoughts abt my younger self instead of learning why i was like this and that.